But By Grace Your Husband Is Free.

Disclaimer: You will either love this or hate it. I don't know what to tell you

Men are a strange sort. I don't claim to understand much more than they mostly just need food, sex and to be appreciated. I said strange, not complicated. Problem is, Disney isn't creating a Prince Charming who mostly just eats, tinkers with whatever hobby suits him, looks for booty as often as he can get it and then wants his Princess to swoon when he performs some basic task that is outside of his interest, (this task is generally something his Princess does on any given day without any expectation of praise). Don't get me wrong, men are of crucial importance both in a relationship and in the world and there isn't anything wrong with their general simplicity, and all that comes along with it. I thank God that my husband is pretty basic. If he wasn't I would have no one to bring me down from whatever ledge I land on at any given moment. Us women love ledges.

So that's it?

No. Of course not. I am not NEARLY that short winded. There is a problem.

There is always a problem.

The problem is that Disney isn't drawing a real Prince and niether is any other source of information as to what men, or husbands, should be. The Bible has some pretty legit stuff to say about it. Something along the lines of, "Men love your wives as Christ loves the church..." (Which is a REALLY heavy statement). It goes on to say, "Women submit to your husbands..." Women usually have no problem with that first part but then get really panty twisted about the rest because "How totally sexist of God..."

First off, don't miss the point. If your husband was really working to love you as Christ loves the church, (which in case you are wondering is in complete selflessness and ultimate sacrifice), it would be second nature to submit to him. You would WANT to submit to Him because you would know everything he did, everything he asks, is in your best interest. SO, by bucking submission you would really just be bucking what is best for you.

Unfortunately, so many of us don't feel as though our husbands are working to love us that way. Maybe our husbands have taken the second part of that scripture and totally taken advantage of it (many men have and do, no doubt). Maybe our husbands don't even believe the Bible. Maybe they just don't care to work that hard at selflessness whether they believe in God or not. Maybe WE don't even understand selflessness but expect it from them.

Here is the thing.

What I said about men up top, about how they really just want food (to be taken care of in a sense), sex (to feel wanted) and to be appreciated (in their minds they really are trying even if you don't see it that way)- I FULLY BELIEVE THIS. If you have issue with this theory, stop reading cause you just aren't going to like where I am going. Women are always looking for what is generally an unrealistic expectation. We want someone whose like, a bad boy, but like, loves babies and holds doors open, but like works really hard and also totally puts his life on hold at all times to engage us at our every whim. We want a movie character. The same can be said for dudes. They want some timeless beautiful bright eyed epitome of woman with no need to ask where he is going or how long he will be, may or may not want to have babies ever and just so happens to love whatever team/car/beer he is into and cannot keep her hands off him. Again, the expectation is RIDICULOUS.

We expect.

Culture tells us we should have all kinds of expectations. Big ones. And I think some of this is okay, when you are dating in particular. You really can weed out all sorts of what you would find to be "no thank yous" by having genuine deal breakers in terms of a partner. Thus, the importance of ACTUALLY dating and getting to know someone and what they believe and how their mind works, rather than just having sex with whatever hot guy/girl rolls your way and hoping that something else will click too. However, if you don't do this....and even if you do, and you end up married and appalled that your husband/wife just isn't up to par....

CHECK YOURSELF.

The answer is always "Lord change ME." It is UNFAIR. I FREAKING KNOW. I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW- YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME I FREAKING KNOW. Life is unfair. But something really cool happens when you start working on you rather than trying to fix other people or sit bitterly waiting on them to fix themselves....YOU ACTUALLY GROW AND CHANGE, which in turn, by way of shifting your focus, makes everyone else less monstrous. When you start practicing GRACE and stop getting pissed because your husband simply cannot take out the trash without being told, or better yet drinks a few more beers than YOU would prefer on a more regular basis than YOU think is necessary, then you can appreciate what he DOES do, enjoy that he is simply present, and maybe even WANT to have sex regularly. Working on yourself, when God is part of the equation, cannot be separated from extending the same grace to others that has been so lavishly and completely extended to you.

Because chances are, YOU, girlfriend, are not up to par either. You miss the mark. You get pissy for no reason and then tell him nothing is wrong and then get mad because he didn't ask again after the first time. And even if you aren't that way, as good a wife as you could EVER be, you will still fall short, not only because he probably has a lifetime of unrealistic expectations too, but also because YOU ARE HUMAN.

Husbands are men. Men are human. The secret to marriage is "Lord change ME."

I just fixed your life. For free.

You're welcome.

PS. I get that not everyone understands or agrees with this "grace" thing or cares to adopt that "life is unfair therefor bloom where you are planted" stuff. Maybe you don't care about maintaining a marriage or relationship and that is totally your prerogative but clearly this blog is not for you and that does not make you any less anything as far as I am concerned.