I Remember.

Toothless.
I remember her mouth agape.
I remember being surprised that she didn't have teeth, even though I knew that babies weren't supposed to have them.
I remember waiting for my mom, who showed up at her convenience, late in the afternoon.
I remember realizing I was alone, with a baby.
I remember being told over and over that I was not truly in labor, even though I was.
I remember laboring alone in the bathroom, because I was afraid to wake anyone up and have it be a false alarm.
I remember, vividly.


Grandpa.
I remember my grandfather walking in when I was pushing. I remember yelling at him to get out.
I remember being forced to wear an oxygen mask and I remember being afraid.
I remember that there were half a dozen student nurses in the room, talking and not working.
I remember the feeling of relief when my doula arrived. I remember finally having an advocate in the room.
I remember Molly cutting the cord.
I remember my sister, smiling and laughing. I remember being excited that my big sister showed up.
I remember Dave crying, because he wasn't there.
I remember the look on Dave's face the first time he saw and touched Archer.
I remember the first moment I held my baby boy and realized that he was the mirror image of his father.
I remember realizing that his eyes were going to stay blue, immediately.
I remember, perfectly.

Bliss.
I remember calling Monessa and crying because I thought he would never come.
I remember the gentle rhythm of my hand tapping the entertainment center as a went through contractions.
I remember the soft click of the camera, as Cara caught every moment.
I remember Dave's hands and Monessa's voice.
I remember Amos Lee.
I remember water.
I remember the absolute tranquility of laboring in my living room.
I remember the feeling of relief as my baby boy emerged from my body.
I remember crying out that his eyes were brown.
I remember, divinely.