When I first had my son, I was scared I would drop him. Like some entity would take over my body and force me to let go of his tiny body and watch him fall to the floor. Lucky for me, this never happened. He did squirm out the bottom of a stroller once (it was more of a carriage with no leg holes, just an open space), while my back was turned for what couldn't have been more that 2 seconds. He hit my moms tile foyer floor and I am pretty sure I cried more than he did.
As a toddler he ran into and fell over any number of things. Giant purple forehead knots were par for the course. Sometimes I had irrational fears that he would be that one kid, you know the one you hear about every now and then, who got a seemingly innocent bump on the head and then died of a brain bleed a few hours later. Again, this never happened.
Getting older he got a little less clumsy, and falls became less frequent. At least, the skinned knees, bumped heads kind. Physically falling down is less likely the more sturdy you become on your feet, but mentally and emotionally, the sturdier you are on your feet, the more life you experience and with that comes a whole new sort of tripping, falling and bumping; a sort that takes a much larger toll than bloody palms or goose egged noggins.
First Real Fall #1 - Diagnosis OCD/Generalized Anxiety
Jesiah was around 5 when he started obsessing over things . He would have a thought that he considered "bad" and rather than let it pass over his psyche like most kids or people, he sat in it. Stuck on it. Allowing that one thought to saturate his mind (obsession). This would lead to anxiousness, a feeling that something was wrong with him and the helpless desire to turn whatever the thought was off. The only thing that seemed to help him was to tell me what he was thinking (compulsion). Every. Single. Time. So this translated to a constant dialog between myself and my 5 year old where I was trying to explain to him that it was okay to have a thought he didn't like, that it is what you DO with the thought, and him in no way understanding that he was okay. That it was all okay. I am sure you can imagine how draining this was for both of us.
So we put him in play therapy, which I didn't ever really understand, but it worked. He figured out how to work through stuff with the help of a very eccentric middle aged woman and her one room office full of toys from up to 6 decades ago. After every session she would explain to me what was going on in his little brain, all of which was learned by watching him create kingdoms with turtle knights riding mythical creatures and hedgehog sisters eating pretend spaghetti. Like I said, I never understood it but it helped so we drove the hour out of town once a week for a year to see her. The diagnosis was as stated above and this wouldn't be the last time it reared its ugly head, in fact it really was only the beginning, but it was proof that he could and would continue to work through it without any sort of medical treatment.
First Real Fall #2- Not Meeting Academic Standards
Jesiah was late to do everything. The kid didn't talk till he was 3. At the end of his kindergarten year we were given the option to either move him on or keep him back. His teacher said she wasn't sure he would do terribly in the first grade, but she also knew he was not meeting criteria to not struggle. We decided the best thing was to move him up and see how he did. He did not do well. His kindergarten teachers failed to fully explain exactly how far he was behind. Going into the first grade he barely knew his alphabet and didn't understand anything about phonetic sounds. Immediately the school let us know he would need to be in whatever program they offered for kids in his situation which was less than a few hours a week. I decided the only way to catch him up was to home school him for that year. He was reading within the first week being home, but we were both also doing a lot of crying and yelling at each other trying to figure out what we were doing. I never did figure out the mom/teacher combo and it was certainly to his detriment. Hardest. 9 Months. Ever- in the mom department. But, he got it and went into second grade no problemo. He still struggles with difficult concepts and it does take him longer to catch on to certain things, but again, his resiliency proved more than adequate and he is a pretty average 5th grader academically speaking.
First Real Fall #3- Bullies and Stuff
My kid is eccentric. He wanted both his ears pierced at 5 and has on his own accord rocked a really tall mohawk in numerous colors on numerous occasions. He is a clown, a total goon with questionably inappropriate dance skills. He isn't uber athletic, doesn't care too much for professional sports, but kills it in the drama department. All that to say, he has been, for most of his boy/kid life, a bit of an easy target. We have had to go to the school admin at least once every year since 2nd grade because of the word "gay". At one point there was physical violence against him on the play ground. He has had to ask what the word "fag" means and come home from school crying more times than I can count. And like I said, he is only a 5th grader. Unfortunately for potential friends, he has a hard time making friends. He is pretty sensitive and does seem to attract people who take advantage of that. Don't get me wrong, he can be stubborn and has said some mean things to people every now and then, but generally the elementary school world is really missing out on the amazingness that is Jesiah Brady. Realizing this stuff might be a little more for him than what the average kid is dealing with we got him into his second round of therapy, this time to help with social skills and what not. He was blessed to end up with one the most kind and amazing people I have ever met, who adored him and the hour she spent with him every week for another year, and will always have a special place in my heart. Again, this kid at 10 has proved resilient in a way that blows my mind.
Big falls can happen to little people. Don't make them feel like what they think is HUGE isn't, and don't let them stay down.
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